Love:A God Story

I wish that I could remember when it happened.  The moment that I clearly and consciously let God out of my life tried to find him again in a man.  I think I was in High School.  You see, I was that girl who always wanted to be in love.  From the earliest age I could remember imagining my wedding, and not just what it would be like, or look like, but what it would feel like.  To be loved.  The groom's face was never really clear to me, as cliche' as that sounds, only his eyes.  Not the color or the shape, just the depth of them.  It was like I could see right into them.  Like, when I looked into his eyes I could see the depth of my own soul in them.  I could see the look on my own face, blissful and free, very unlike the modern movie portrayals of weddings with a bride wondering until the moment her beau walks down the aisle if he will even show up.  No, my eyes told the story of my heart.  Pure, innocent, joyfully intoxicating LOVE.

  So, from that moment on, judging romantic love in my own life was on those terms.  I would wait for that one look in a guy's eyes, or for the feeling I got when he walked into the room.  If it was like I imagined, I would be in love.  That was trouble in my teen years.  Now, it didn't help that I had a wonderful dad (admitted daddy's girl).  Calm, patient, kind, never one to keep track of former mistakes, punished me only when I really deserved it but still knew what was best for me even when I didn't.  But that didn't help with my "feelings" of delusion.   So how, are you wondering, is having an awesome dad a disadvantage?  And when is God coming back into this story?  As for God, I will get back around to that.  Here are some reasons Guys don't like a daddy's girl.

• Daddy's girls are the girls who want to commit like, RIGHT AWAY so they always scare off the guys.
•  Daddy's girls want a man that treats them equally good, or better than their father treated them growing up which creates some really difficult, subconsciously rooted standards.
• Daddy's girls understand what it means to receive unconditional love from a man, so...they know when they aren't getting it, or they with sometimes test their limits thus causing again, really difficult standards for guys.
• Daddy's girls are shocked to hear that men aren't good.  They are too trusting.  Sometimes they get raped, used, "walked all over".  They are naive to the dangers of letting your heart go.  They never had to worry about someone intentionally breaking their heart (although a girl with a brother is a wee bit more savvy.).
• Daddy's girls typically have warped, sometimes "fairy tale" ideals about love and marriage
• Daddy's girls cry...A LOT, and some guys just HATE crying women.  Those guys are, of course, douche-bags, but they are out there.  And if they are dating a girl who cries not only at Extreme Home Makeover, but also when someone wins Ninja Warrior, their douche-baggery will only be heightened to dangerous levels.
• Daddy's girls want you to chase after them if they are mad or sad, but most men wouldn't chase anything but the bus when they miss it, so that creates an unfulfilled "Knight in Shining Armour" complex in the daddy's girl.  Bet you dudes who happen to stumble here are really trying to find yourself some normal chick who never met her dad by this point.  Those lucky women are like a blank canvas for love...right?                   

Now, the average guy might be thinking that I am totally right on here.  That my "Daddy's girl" theory is what is keeping gals like us right up there on the marital scale with the "Cat ladies" and Susan Boyle.  I thought so too.  For the six whole years that I chased around my own, current version of "the average guy", putting him up on a pedestal, making myself believe he didn't have any douche-bag tendencies, I slowly convinced myself that the reason this guy would never solidly commit to me is because I am a freak of nature daddy-loving weirdo.  Seriously, I even started to hate my dad because this guy would constantly degrade him to me.  Telling me he talked too much and that he didn't even know what he was saying.  It never occurred to me that these qualities in this particular guy were what made him just another average guy, I just went along with what ever my adonis would tell me was "The way it is".  He wasn't like the rest because he gave me the "feeling".  You know, he loved me.  Ha!  Well, I now know, at twenty nine years old, that guys can fake that look to give you those feelings.  Guys can create depth in their eyes like the ocean if it means you'll drown in them and believe that he loves you just enough for you to stick around for a while.  Or maybe, as in my case, for a while at a time.


     A guy would think that a daddy's girl is silly,  A guy would assume she is a bitch, or that she is irrational to want him to love her ALL of the time, even when she doesn't have on any makeup and she has been crying at Ninja Warrior all day long because it is a marathon.  But notice.  If you are thinking that you are a guy, and you are reading this, and you do not agree with this theory at all then you may be just the MAN us daddy's girls are looking for.  I assume that a "GUY" is a boy who reached adulthood in years, but not in emotional maturity.  No guy will even read this far, unless it is to try to prove to you  he is a man so that he can sleep with you (that would be the douche that only looked at my photo to decide if I was credible).  Let me give you a few qualities to help you spot a guy (I know, I know, God...still, I will get to that)

• M'kay, a guy not only knows what the first word in this sentence is in reference to, but he thinks that the movie it came from is funnier than you will ever be because you are just a girl and girls are not at all as funny as guys.
• A guys says things like "I love you" on Monday, then "Why did you make me say I love you, I wasn't ready for that, it's over"  on Wednsday.  *time frame depends on level of guy/boy ratio.  or "Hey, if you weren't such a shit girlfriend we could have really had something great."
• A guy says, "Hey baby, can't wait to see you tonight." ... To some chick that isn't his girlfriend.  Haha, thought you had me figured for a fool didn't you?!
• Guys like to have their friends tell them what to do in any given situation.  The opinion of the close drunken friend with no real direction, or the catty ex who still has territory issues are VERY important to the guy.  
• Guys aren't very good at not flirting and/or hitting on other girls while out with their current partners.
• Guys love to call the girls that they aren't technically dating but could be at a moments notice "Friends" and then tell you "You're a bitch because you never want me to talk to my 'friends' or hang out with them."
• Guys always blame you for their bad mood, but never acknowledge you for creating their good mood if you happen to be magical and can do that at all.
• Guys are mooches, Guys drool

MEN ON THE OTHER HAND (From what I have heard, and witnessed with a few lucky friends, my own boyfriend during the birth of our son, and my own mother up until recently when my dad became a bit of an alcoholic lessening but not diminishing his "Man" qualities as he sometimes talks too much and he can't remember where the conversation was going but I think that is more of a genetically predisposed thing considering I have four lines in parenthesis right now.  Wow.)

• Men make decisions.  Now, I am not saying they are always good ones, but they make them.  They say "I want to..." and then they DO it.  Women can get away with not making decisions because it really is stressful for us and we shouldn't have to if we are in the presence of a real man anyhoo.
• Men aren't afraid to be swept off of their feet in love.  Really.  They want it.  The ugly and the pretty all at once...they posess a "Bring it on, whatever you've got" sort of personality.  Basically, they aren't afraid of our puny little daddy's girl tears.  They can take em.  They sort of like them and think they are beautiful, like the way dew collects on a flower petal.  Even if we are rage-a-holic, crazy, passionate, yelling, screaming crying women...We are still just one hug away from mush and any real man knows it and isn't scared one bit.
• Men wait until they are with other men to talk about the hot girl that they DIDN'T flirt with when they were out with their partner.  Hey, I know that men look.  Women look too.  My mother says "Just because you are on a diet, doesn't mean you can't see what's on the menu."  I get it, men like boobies just like we like tight butts in baseball pants or "emo" jeans.
• Men say  "Hey baby, can't wait to see you tonight." to the woman who they WANT to say it to, and only her.  Even if "Baby" is their daughter and then it's adorable too!
• Men have regard for people's feelings and don't look at mistakes as means for judgement, but as mistakes.
• Men aren't afraid to commit. Because they wont tell a woman they aren't in love with that they love her.   When a man tells you he loves you, he WILL commit to you.  Period.
• Men never fake the depth of their own being.  They are honest, and they are strong.
• Men have respect for ALL women regardless of their age, size or relationship to them.  They believe that all ladies need gracious respect and kindness and would jump at the opportunity to help any one of them.
• Men know the importance of family and do not require someone take a DNA test to be considered such.  The allow any willing party the same love and care that someone of their own blood would receive.  They keep the doors of their hearts and homes open to welcome anyone who may walk through them.       

Now, I am sure that there are many more qualities that real men possess in comparison to "Guys".  Far too many to list, plus, we don't want to make any guy who may be reading this too upset.  My goal here is to let the guys out there know that there is hope.  There is a way for all of those guys to become men.  Now here is where God comes back into the story.  God is the model for which ALL real men are molded.  The divine image of which man is created.  God is the ultimate father, the ultimate bridegroom, the ultimate everything.  The best quality of our previously described "Daddy's girls" is they understand what God's love looks like and what the love of a father should feel like.  They can help the guys by pointing them in the direction of the only man who ever lived on this green earth who they can emulate in order to become men.  That man was the son of the ultimate father, Jesus Christ.  The direct fleshly image of the greatest of great.  If you are a dude wondering if you fall into the category of "Guy" and you would like to be more like the "Men" then just look to him.  Because a daddy's girl like me can't save you, I can only point you to the one who can.  The one who can mold you like clay into the man you have every bit of potential to be.  Don't let fear or doubt enter your heart on this journey.  Don't let your own ideas of "freedom" hold you back from the truest freedom at all, the freedom of knowing that your faults and sins were already purchased by the life and death of Jesus.  Don't let your burdens weigh you down so that you can't love properly.  Give them to God...Be a man!                                                                                                                                            

Faith like a potato farmer!

Did you know that potatoes grow solely under the ground? Like a lot of root vegetables, the underground portion it the portion we want to harvest. When the little shoot starts growing out of the ground, the farmer keeps covering it with dirt, making a big mound for the potatoes to grow. Now, no potato farmer can tell you with one hundred percent certainty that their crop will be abundant. They just don't know. They must take faith in their own skill and in mother nature. They have faith that their own hard work will pay off in the end. There are no pre-orders, no estimated profit, only faith and hope. We forget that life works this way too. Our leaves are what we show the world but it is what is underneath that really matters. We can go around looking at people in their Abercrombie & Fitch clothing or their Vidal Sassoon Haircuts and believe that we know something about them. We can assume all we want, but it is only our faith in what is growing under those things that should be abundant. With our children this is most obvious. We rely on our own skills as parents, cover and nurture our little "seedlings" and help them grow without ever really knowing if we are doing it right. We can only carry faith and hope in what we are doing.
Have you ever been in a friendship where you believe the person is less than you expected, only to be shocked when they show some sort of extraordinary feat? Let's say you always thought your friend a bit frugal. You, on the other hand are generous and luxurious, constantly telling your friend that she should "Lighten up, it's just money." (as you sip giant, fruity, self indulgent cocktails at The Elephant Bar when you know damn well the rent is due.). Then one day the two of you are shopping and she splurges for those Jimmy Choo's she's been eyeballing and even buys you a pair! Are you shocked? Of course you are, but, that was your harvest. Your impact in that person's life for growth. Now, the shoes probably didn't change her life, she may have even experienced a little buyer's remourse but, for that moment she was outside of her element. She had grown in some way. She felt emotions that were once foreign to her. Now, that is a really monetary way of showing what I am talking about but the message fits into all of life's metaphors. We are a society of surprises! Just when you think you have got someone pinpointed...Boom! They go and change on you! So why are we so lacking in our faith for people? Well, it comes from a lack of faith in ourselves.
We do not realize that we impact others so much. We walk around believing that we are living in our own worlds, living our own lives, experiencing our own experiences. But we are really building up lights that cast upon all we contact. "No man is an island." Now most of us take this saying and picture a man sitting on and island, isolated from the world, but lets lake a literal translation before we open up the symbolism. No man IS an island. An island is a piece of land in the middle of the ocean, surrounded by nothing. A continent however, is lots of countries surrounding each other. So, if no man is an island, then we must all be countries, living amidst other countries on the big continent of life. This means that even though we are separate, we are unified. Get it?
So don't go out and splurge on designer shoes if you don't want to, all I am saying is remember your impact. Have faith in the growth that you aid in others. Have hope that the harvest will be abundant. Have faith and hope like the potato farmer. After all, we may not have been blessed with a "Green thumb", but we live in a Miracle Grow kinda world! Go forth and grow!

Concsious or Conscience?

In life we are faced with the choice of living to the fullest or wallowing in our own self pity right? Eleanor Roosevelt said "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." but does that negate any responsibility for our own actions and feelings? If you are hurt isn't it ,in essence, your own fault for allowing yourself to be upset? That is what most people have turned to thinking. It is a great way to go about life feeling completely responsible for your own pain and completely apathetic to any pain you have caused. You are now free to roam about the world carrying only your own feelings of pain. Does this sound crazy to anyone? It sure does to me. When did we stop giving a damn? That is what I want to know! Ideas like this are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to what I refer to as "the true swine flu".
In todays world it goes without saying that self gratification is an epidemic. I won't say that it is world-wide, but it's effects are. We have numbed ourselves to the idea of pure selflessness. Even if we are somewhat giving, or caring, we are still caught in the rapture of our own agendas. I was at the movies yesterday twice. The first time was with my seven year old daughter. I took her to see the movie "17 again" with Zac Effron (she thinks he is so cute!). The movie took a look at a man who gets a second chance to make a big decision he regreted. His whole married life, the man regreted chosing his love over his future. I see this a lot. The youth of today associating love, marriage, and the "simple" things in life with a barrier that holds them back from their dreams. The second movie I saw with my girlfriends. It was called "Ghosts of girlfriends past". This film looked at a man who couldn't get past the idea that love was a falicy until he witnessed it (love) with his own eyes. He also had no real clue that he had hurt so many women just by leading them on. A real look at the way society today views reality. We are all convinced in some way or another that "Today" is the reality and nothing lead up to it! We conveniently forget those whom we may have hurt along the way so that we are not burdened by the thought of it. We have given an eye for an eye and become blind.
I am not saying that we are all bad, but we have not allowed Conscience to fully integrate into our lives. We are so preoccupied with our immediate day-to-day activities that we forget that we are all here together. We are all connected! Conscience is not Jiminy Cricket sitting on your shoulder telling you right from wrong. True conscience is the empathy that you feel for your fellow man. The way you feel when you see a horrifying news story, or when undenyable tragedy strikes. But most of us only know that feeling in those bad situations. We forget that we can carry smaller bits of that empathy and share them with the world.
So, if you have made a wrong in the recent past and you feel like you don't care, sit back and think about what would happen if you started. You would be truly free from the negative feelings of guilt that you may not even realize you are carrying. You will see the world differently...and perhaps, the world may see itself differently. Eleanor spoke of inferiority...and true, no one can take your power from you unless you let them. But power is not happiness. And let's not forget how despenseable that is. It has the power to be given or taken away with no permission. No "Sure, go ahead and take it all" or "No, let me keep it". Happiness is like running water. It can drown you or you can thirst for it...but it is all around if you know where to look.